Some people just don’t have God in their lives, so when they do hateful sinful things, it does not bother them at all,
as a matter of fact, some of these hateful sinful people call themselves Christians. I am that person who was without God in my life, but I did not consider myself a Christian.
I am not the type of person who would take someone’s life, steal anything although I have stolen when I was young. There are some of the ten commandments I will not violate, but there is some commandment I break all the time, and you have to pay a greater penalty for committing these sins.
For all of you out there who did not already know, God is not a one size fits all God. There are things you do and not get punished by God, but if I did the exact same thing God may punish me, I don’t know how God determines that, but he does.
Let’s get back to the topic, I lived almost all of my life without God, until about five months ago. The truth is I did not know I did not have God in my life, I thought he was with me, but I was not sure if I had the holy spirit, but now I know I did not have the holy spirit back then.
A person without God cannot think straight, for instance, I thought murder was the worst sin anyone could commit. And since I will not commit murder, there had to be someone on earth who is the worst sinner than I am, and I seriously thought that.
I was so Godless, whenever God tried to tell me something, I ignored him. I remember a while back I was confined to a wheelchair for about three months, no one knew the reason why. You could commit a sin and receive less punishment than me if I committed the same exact sin. I was in pain a lot when I was confined to the wheelchair. I do not know if God put me in that wheelchair or not, trying to get my attention.
Well, he did not get my attention with that one. As a matter of fact, out of three months, I was in a wheelchair and in pain, I may have asked God six or seven times to relieve my pain, if he wanted to, I definitely did not do any seriously prying over the matter.
The sad thing about people like me is we seldom go to God for help, it’s not that we do not like God, it’s we feel like we are not part of the family. When you are a sinner you have no one to call on for help, so we just suffer all alone.
You must remember I am a hardened sinner, so, God had to put me in a big hole with other sinners who have committed every type of sin, including murders. I was down near hell’s door, but all of the other sinners were much farther up away from hell’s door than I was.
As God and all the other sinners in this big hole looked down at where I was, I felt really bad and I could not look up at them. I looked down in sorry and shame and I ask God “why he loved the other sinners more than me”.
Those words I said must have touched God’s heart because he immediately took me out of that hell hole. He was not that God that says go my son and sin no more like I had heard he was. He looked me straight in my eyes and said, “You are going to have to give an account for all of the sins you have committed”.
Today I am a recovering sinner, and I am paying for my sins, it is an awful feeling, but if this is what I have to do I will do it. This suffering and pain that God is putting me through, is similar to being deeply in love with someone and they dump you for someone else.
It feels like a pain in your chest area, that will not go away, you feel alone, and there is no medicine for it. I told God I do not like this feeling, and I ask him to take it away. God did not take this feeling away, but this weird feeling only lasts a few hours a day, and it is not every day. I do not know how long I am going to have to go through this.
God showed me that the sins I committed are worse than murder, at least that is what I thought he was trying to tell me. You see I committed adultery and fornication for 15 years straight the first time, and the second time I committed adultery for 25 years straight. I knew I should not have done that, but I guess I just did not care.
And then again murder may be a worse sin than adultery and fornication, my punishment maybe because I sinned for so long and I did not care about God’s commandments. Let me tell you how I manage to do these sins for so long.
When I was about 25 years old I met a woman that was married, but she and her husband were separated, the husband had a new woman in his life and she had a new man in her life. So sometime later they broke up, and I started dating her and soon I fell in love with her, and I moved her in with me, we stayed together and had sex regularly for 15 years without marriage. As you already know having sex with a married woman is called adultery, and having sex with a woman you are not married is called fornication.
My second sinning spree came when I met the woman I married, you see, she was divorced. And I also knew if a man marries a divorced woman, he would be committing adultery, so, I lived with her for 25 years until she died about six years ago, if she had not died, I would still be committing adultery today.
If you are a man and find yourself in that situation, I do not know if God will treat you the same as he did me. If you find yourself in the same situation, maybe you can ask God to forgive you, and he will, I did not bother to ask him for forgiveness, although I knew adultery and fornication was a sin, I did not think it was such a big deal. Does anyone know if a divorced woman commits adultery if she remarries?